I’m always amazed by the timing of messages from the universe. The past two weeks in the states have been heartbreaking. The amount of hate emanating from members of our population seems to be at an all-time high. I’m not going to list all the horrifying events that have occurred recently - while each victim, their family, friends, communities, and for everyone else who these acts of violence touch, my heart is with them, but that is not the purpose of this post.
I grew up in a part of Cincinnati known for large-acreage lots that is home to a whole host of amazing wildlife (wild turkey, deer, vixen, coyote, etc.). My mom used to keep a bebe gun in the kitchen by the outside doors to shoot at the deer when they ate her flowers, even, #truestory. Deer are so prevalent in that part of town that residents offer their land to local hunters in-season for bow hunting to keep the population managed. I always thought of them as nuisances that ate all our plants and for which I had to watch out for on the winding dark roads at night.
I now live in a more populated part of Cincinnati with my own family with far less acreage. Even still, there is a family of deer who lives in my neighbor’s backyard and can be seen frequently dining on local landscaping.
I tend to take walks at night once I have the kids in bed, and I can’t count how many times I have come across this family of deer around the neighborhood. We often look at each other for several minutes before moving on - they’ve never once run away from me. Last night, I was on one of my walks while on my women’s group weekly call. We were talking about the ebbs and flows of life and how we have to grant ourselves grace to move fluidly with the changes. As I was listening, I encountered four of the family members in someone’s front yard. It’s always such an amazing experience to come across them at night. They just stare at me like they can see right through me and like they have something they want to tell me.
I shared with those who were on the call what I had just experienced and our leader shared the meaning of deer as guides. It was so poignant for not only our call, but for what is going on in our world right now. When guides appear as deer, they are there to offer you and guide you in bringing gentleness into the world through word, touch, and thought.
“Gentleness is the antidote for cruelty.”
-Phaedrus
Gentleness. I have been pondering this word since my women’s group call last night. When I was about to sit down and start writing to you all about this word, a very unexpected visitor showed up in my front yard - a deer. Talk about serendipity. There is no doubt in my mind I am supposed to share this word with you today and encourage you to find gentleness not only for yourself, but for those around you as well in a time when fear, anger, and violence are reigning supreme.
Our actions and words first begin as thoughts and feelings. These can be things we say to ourselves when we feel we’ve made a mistake, or to someone else. Generally, what we say to ourselves is spoken silently in our head, but that doesn’t make it any less impactful. Think about it… if you were to really pay attention to your inner dialogue for a day, how many of the following statements do you think you’d say to yourself about yourself?
“Damnit, Sara!”
“I’m so stupid.”
“Ugh, I am so bloated, I need to lose weight.”
“I shouldn’t have eaten _______.”
“Sally Sue’s mom handmade her costume, I should have done that. She’s a better mom than I.”
What if instead, you were more gentle with yourself…
“Oops! I’ll do better next time.”
“I am doing the best I can.”
“My body is beautiful and deserves my respect.”
“That ______ was delicious. Now I’ll balance my next meal to maintain my progress.”
“I am an amazing mom who does everything she can for her children (and then some).”
Being gentle doesn’t erase wrongdoings and it’s not showing weakness. It is showing strength and tenderness in the face of adversity. Images of violence, of vicious attack ads for next week’s mid-term elections, and the running commentary of our current president keep flashing in my mind. These are the places and people who need our gentleness the most. Think about a typical bully growing up; most of the time their words and actions were cries for attention, love, tenderness, and a safe place to land, all of which they didn’t feel they were getting. Grownups are really no different.
Does it infuriate me what is going on right now in our culture? Hells to the yes. But acting on that anger only spurs more of it, as we continue to see everyday. To change the world, we have to change our behavior. We have to show each other love, kindness, and gentleness. The hero doesn’t win because they get down and dirty with the villain, they win because they are unwavering in their conviction to stand in and spread their light upon the world.
In the face of cruelty, we have to be gentle; kind, tender, and strong. We have to find our strength in our gentleness, not in our ability to hold power of another being. As you move through the next few days, I challenge you to act out of gentleness.
To the person who cuts you off in traffic - show gentleness in your response. Maybe they’re late to pick up their child from daycare and are in a hurry.
To the co-worker who has a “fake news” sticker in their cubicle - show gentleness to this person. They may have found a sense of belonging in a group with strong opinions and a big voice that helps them not feel as lonely and makes them feel like they are heard.
To the friend or family member on the other side of the political isle - show gentleness. Each of you has come to conclusions you feel are best for you. Show compassion for one another and begin to bridge the gap that is dividing us.
“There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness.”
-Han Suyin
Every time you hear a harsh word, a berating comment, or feel like you want to throw some shade (whether to yourself or someone else), take a pause and instead show gentleness. Create strength as a collective to lift the hero up, shine our light, and heal the hurt that is so palpable today.