Chasing Joy

I’ve made some big life changes lately… I was asked right after I made the decision to ask my husband for a divorce what I was hoping to gain that I didn’t have. I had thought about all the reasons why I needed to make the decision, what I needed to move away from, but when he asked me what I wanted instead, that was something I hadn’t gotten to yet. As soon as he asked me, the word joy leapt from my mouth.

I knew in that instant that joy was what I was chasing.

That word has since continued to pop up at unassuming moments and is the hope I am holding on to as I take each new step. When you make a decision like ending your marriage, your mind races constantly. So many thoughts and memories go through your mind, so many fears for your kids, questions about what comes next, anxiety about being on your own… and then, and then, and then.

But that’s not why we’re here today… today, instead of focusing on what has been, I’m focusing on what comes next. And what comes next is joy.

So, what does joy look like? For me, it’s the look on my three year old’s face when she laughs… it’s so pure and completely free of any hesitation. It’s a feeling that consumes you, body and soul. It’s a carefree lightness that is entirely in the present moment. It’s been awhile since I’ve been taken over by joy, but when I think back in my life to a time of pure joy, there is a memory that continues to play on repeat in my head.

It’s a moment that may have gotten lost in the filing cabinet of my brain if not for someone purposefully calling attention to it. A person who had a special ability to make me laugh was in rare form and literally had me on the floor snorting like crazy because I was laughing so insanely hard. It was a moment where I was happy, felt safe, loved, and special that this person’s sole goal was to make me giggle. When I finally got settled down, their grandmother - one of the most pugnacious women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in this life - pulled me aside.

She said, “Sara, I could listen to you laugh like that all day - don’t ever stop laughing like that. That joy is what makes life special, always hold it close to your heart.”

Why is it that kids seem to go ape shit 10 minutes before you’re going to start putting them to bed? Some serious slap happy giggling was going on around here. My girls LOVE making each other laugh possibly even more than they simply love laughing. Of course, after working a full day, my oldest now being back home and schooling remote, laundry, organizing, all the things, I was so ready to put them down for the night. When I got them upstairs, I was starting to lose my cool (not hard to do this time of night, I know ya’ll feel me though). Suddenly, I thought of that memory and paused to watch how much they love each other and how joyful they were in that moment and it made me instantly shut my mouth.

Here I am in this moment I think is all stressful and the two of them are embodying exactly what I keep saying I’m chasing. Exactly what I was told so many years ago to never lose sight of. Alright Universe, I hear you, point taken, lol.

So tonight, I’m writing this entry because writing and sharing my story feeds my soul. Tomorrow, not only am I going to make my girls giggle as much as possible - tickling, being silly, playing games, you name it - but will also remember to let life make me laugh. I’m going to find glee in each moment and keep that legendary pugnacious lady’s voice in my ear as a loving reminder to keep chasing joy.

Love + Light,

Sara

What's an Empath to Do in 2020?

The soul of an empath is hard to contain in the human vessel. It swells constantly, threatening to outgrow the body it inhabits. This is part of why empaths feel like they’re coming apart at the seems, especially now in 2020 where the energy of the world is coming to a historical height. 

It’s easy for an empathic soul to want to shy away from the heavy and negative energy that has swelled in 2020 and the years building up to this point in recent Earth’s history. The constant assault on both the heart and throat chakras, not to mention the high heart are unfathomable. Theses beatings have been happening around the world for generations, and have now also permeated into spaces of Earth’s land that have been kept “hidden” from the negativity/hatred/violence. 

Because of the heavy weight of these energies, it doesn’t take long for the dark energy to permeate an empath’s aura. It feels like lugging around a ball and chain, honestly. I remember my brother telling me when he was stationed in Afghanistan that he could feel the millennia of strife and death emanating from the Earth’s surface - something that hung heavy just like the air around him. In an age where this type of heaviness is seeping into so many aspects of peoples lives and energy, it’s crucial for us as empaths to learn how to weather the storm. 

And even more than that, how to continue growing our light, so that we can continue to ignite the energetic power grid of Earth, so that we can continue moving forward toward being 5th dimensional beings. 

But how? How the hell are we supposed to continue shining our light when it’s so hard to block out the fear, hatred, combustion, and combative energy that surrounds us? 

We know this much - it’s not easy, ammiright? But just as I tell my girls… we can do hard things. 

As mothers, this may be our generation’s greatest challenge and most important contribution to history. There is a palpable divisiveness between two groups of people in the world right now - those wanting to merge together and those wanting to remain separate. 

Since the birth of the first Indigo child on Earth, energetic fields have been shifting, vibrations raising, and we are ascending into our true connectedness. While our bodies are different and separate from one another, our collective consciousness is one. This is a fight right out of Game of Thrones. It will and is testing our resolve, our inner most values, and is charging us to use all the lessons we’ve learned over lifetimes of soul contracts. 

It’s time. As an empathic Indigo child (bit of a double negative, lol), I can feel this fight draining me every day. I’ve been on the precipice in recent years of feeling something about to dawn. I wasn’t sure if it was in my own life, my own purpose, or that of the collective, but I now understand there is no difference. They are my purpose because I am the collective just as you are the collective. 

We are a divine collective of warrior souls who are meant to rise above the storm and usher in a new world. This is no easy feat and will challenge us in ways we can’t yet imagine. But we’re ready. I can feel it and I can see it. I can see if in the desperate last ditch effort being put up by those not yet comfortable with the thought of the collective, of ascending into the 5th dimension. I can see it in those rising above the noise and standing up for the souls around them who have suffered persecution for far too long. I can see it in a new wave of women leaders across our government. I can see it in more and more people feeling comfortable sharing who they truly are - allowing the true colors of their soul to shine through in the physical realm. I can see it in our children - in their enormous and tender hearts. In their acceptance of one another, and the light emanating from within. 

They will someday take the reigns and take the Earth experience to its next experience. It’s our destiny to break down the old ways that no longer work for what our next steps are, and begin building the foundation for what is to come. 

Getting through this piece is our defining moment. Moving through it with grace, humility, and strength will keep us afloat. I almost said a quiet strength, but gone are the days for quiet. It is time to strongly use your voice and your energetic power to break through the static. Use these four steps as your guiding pillars each day. Consider the impact of your actions, or lack thereof, and focus your intention each morning. Even just the first two parts will dramatically help that “coming out of my skin” feeling and will set you up to embody your intent. The second two pieces will allow your intention to make a tangible impact. You’ve got this, mama!

Meditate

The term “new age” is there for a reason, ladies… we are on the dawn of a new world. One that requires us to continue opening up our beings to meditative guidance. Meditation is how we listen to the universe and its messages for us. For generations, prayer has been used to ask for guidance, for help, etc. But prayer is simply asking. To truly make the change, we have to listen to what needs to come next, so we may act on that inspiration. 

Clean

I don’t mean you need to go all Marie Kondo or start scrubbing your house from top to bottom, lol. Although, by all means, go for it - it feels so good to clear the cobwebs! No, what I mean is clean your energy… daily. Even though we may not be out in the world as much as we have been before March 2020 and Covid hit, that doesn’t mean we aren’t picking up other peoples energy thought the day. As fear, anxiety, and depression continue to climb the charts in the face of the unknown, energy is becoming stickier and stickier and clings to empaths like tar. To prevent it from weighing you down, imagine a rain shower of bright white light cleansing you from above. Allow the energy that isn’t yours, and any negative energy that is yours, to be washed away and taken into the Earth. There it will be neutralized where it can no longer harm anyone.

Refill

You cannot pour a glass of water for someone else when you are pouring from an empty pitcher. It is not selfish to care for yourself - for your energy, for your physical health, for your mental and emotional health. It is imperative for the collective for us to do this. For us to give all of ourselves to those around us in the way we are so called to do, we HAVE to refill our cups first. It isn’t an option. We can’t serve others when we ourselves are empty. And even beyond this - doing this in the face of our children will only teach them to do the same. To break the cycle, we have to make the change ourselves first and set the example for those who come next.

Act

It’s so easy to stay indoors right now - in our safe home environments where we can close ourselves off to what is going on in the world at large. Know this - doing this, especially as empaths and Indigo children, will only work to keep this heavy energy here longer. We have to first move through the problem before we will reach the light on the other side of the tunnel. We have to put in the work. We have to fight for what is right. We have to act - speak out, protest, lift others up using your strengths (just as I am attempting to do here), create. It isn’t about the “what” piece, it’s about doing it - something. 

Love + Light,

Sara

Sawubona - I see you, I value you

I was reading back through one of my journals last night when I came across a channel-writing session I did on 12/12 of 2018. When I read through it, it was amazing how fitting it felt for exactly what is going on in our world today.

Usually, when I do this type of trans work, I start with a topic or question in mind. That day, the topic was of there truly being no space or gap between us and divinity. That as humans, we ARE divine because heaven lives within each of us. When I started grounding myself that day, as I always do at the start of this type of session, my roots where a beautiful iridescent golden color that grew through and out of the Earth through me, sprouting golden leaves that blanketed the Earth in love. It was beautiful :).

From Spirit…

To discover your divinity, you must let go of trying to control this life and relinquish that power to me. This is not because I am all powerful/power hungry, or a tyrant, but because I, in my most simple and brilliant form, am love. And love IS light.

• Controlling others is based in fear.

• Controlling a situation is based in fear.

• Controlling your words is based in fear.

Control, in a word, is binding. But it not only binds what you wish to control, it binds your heart at the same time. The more control you seek to impart over another, the further away you are to me and your innate divinity.

War, Judgement, Incarceration, Bigotry, Torture, Acts against Humanity, Hate

All of these things take you farther away from your inner life. These acts restrict you. They are based internally. They are things you project onto others in hopes of feeling lighter yourself. But unloading all of this negativity into the world and onto others only perpetuates more of the same, both externally and internally.

From me: How we/they begin to release fear/hate?

Spirit…

They cannot. By releasing it, it will only find a new home elsewhere. To truly dispel these thoughts/feelings, one must turn toward the light. One must embrace their own perfection and divinity. By seeing this in themselves, they will recognize this list in everything else.

Just like habits, hate must be REPLACED by something to truly lose its hold on a soul. It must be replaced with love for oneself.

From me: What can we/they do to take this step?

Spirit…

Re-write their narrative. Replace it with…

• I am whole.

• I have an abundance of love.

• I am grateful for this life.

They must find something that brings them joy each day, no matter how big or small. They must nurture themselves as they would a beloved newborn child; new to this world, pure of heart, close to the veil between the worlds, attracts love, and tender. There is no question of the awe, amazement, and holiness of new life. This divinity never leaves you as you age, even though the brain takes over and plants doubt as the ego grows. The same light, the same love, the same golden divinity that was so close to the surface as a baby, is still within you and will always be.

I have never left you because I am you.

You are a divine creature whose potential in shining your light for the world knows no bounds.

---

The piece that struck me so much last night, reading this almost two years later, were the elements about control and fear. That to move forward, we have to REPLACE fear with love. That fear or hate cannot simply be released, but that it must be changed. That love and acceptance of others can only come by showing ourselves love first. There is an outcry and demand for change right now on so many levels in the world. Particularly, Black Americans are screaming to be heard, valued, recognized as fellow human souls, yet racism continues to permeate society. This systemic racism goes back to two words - control and fear.

We surely have a LOT of work ahead of us to create real change for our Black Lives when it comes to violence, government policy, and police brutality. The only way this change will be able to truly happen, is not by simply abolishing racism, but instead by embracing love for first ourselves and understanding our inherent value, so that we may also then replace that fear with love and light, that we will then see in others. It is about relinquishing the control that not only binds those you wish to control, but also yourself, taking you farther away from your inner light.

So that we can say from the African Zulu tribe, “Sawubona”, which means, I see you, you are important to me, I value you.

Love + Light,

Sara

Letting Go to Ascend

As a coach, I work with my clients to create habits that add value to their life. There is a lot of discovery, new thinking, and lots and lots of open-ended questions. I had one client who worked in the quality assurance department at a hospital - she used to crack up throughout our sessions at all of my thought-provoking questions, saying, “there you go again.” 

I love asking questions, whether it’s during a session with a client, or just in my daily life (ask my husband, he’ll tell you how much he loves all my questions, lol). Each of us is our own expert. We have a lifetime of experience and knowledge of our inner most wanting and values that no other person could ever completely absorb. Typically, I ask questions to help others leverage all this juicy knowledge that is already inside them, waiting to be called. They use this awareness to create a routine around something that is important to them that can then become an ingrained habit in their lives, keeping that value add present over the long haul.

And then 2020 pulled the rug out from under the world. 

Habits? Routine? What can those even look like at a time when all normalcy has completely disintegrated? 

In the recent past, let’s just say 100+ years, as a collective we have continued moving faster and faster, fitting more and more steps into our daily routines. We have become masters at doing all the things and novices at doing nothing. We move at a dizzying rate to get all the “important” things done in a day.

Covid has brought the merry go round to a grinding halt, and the whiplash has been brutal from being thrust into a world of unknowns…

• Will I still have a job tomorrow?

• Will we fall into a financial depression?

• Will there be a cure or treatment?

• What will happen for our children and schools?

• Will life ever be normal again?

• Where can I go that is safe outside my home?

We’re not used to not having the answers at our fingertips at this point in evolution thanks to evolution - it’s a terrifying experience for most. However you need to get through your day and all of the unique circumstances, you are your own best expert. As a mom and a coach, I know the power and support having a routine can lend. 

• They are reliable, something sorely lacking for all of us right now.

• They add value to our lives and help us move toward what is most important to us.

• They build confidence.

• The lend structure and comfort.

But… what if those routines, the reliability of knowing what’s coming and having immediate access to the answers is exactly the thing holding us back from evolving?

There is a shift going on in the energy around us. Even for those not in tune with the vibrational pulls of Earth and our surrounding multiverses, it’s almost impossible not to feel the change. What if this well-oiled machine we’ve built in the 21st century is preventing us from ascending into our true potential?

I am both an empath, a high frequency being, AND a type-a control freak. I more easily flow with personalities and the people around me than I do with situations. The past few months have been rough for me. I’ve gotten through most of it by sheer avoidance, really. By continuing to brush aside the anxiety, the discomfort, the anger. It’s kept me above water, for the most part. What I’m discovering, however, is that to move through 2020 and all the things she has brought with her, we have to lean into the discomfort and the unknown element. 

It is time for us to trust and allow that there is a reason for the violence, anger, death, social reckoning, and pain that surrounds us. To embrace ALL side of our humanness, especially the parts we would rather sweep under the rug and not deal with. Embracing these human aspects of ourselves can serve to not only ground us, but will also be the catalyst for our ascension. The world as we have known her is changing and growing. If we want to see what comes next, we have to change along with her. 

With that said… Coach Sara is (outside of my kiddo’s school schedule and my work schedule, lol) telling you to let go of the rigidity of your routine and habits. Embrace instead and get to know how to flow with life’s ups and downs. Be fluid like the water that runs through each of us and sustains life in this world. Let go of the assumption that we know what is best and see what the universe is ready to gift us. 

Love + Light, 

Sara

The Shadows in the Depths

We generally stick with what we know, even if it’s drowning us.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been coaching someone and asked them if their current habits were serving what they were wanting in their life. Most of the time, when I ask this question, it’s a knowing, “no” answer - they understand that their behaviors aren’t getting them to where they want to be, yet they are still stuck in an old limiting pattern.

We spent half of the day yesterday at the pool with friends and got Zoe to test her swimming skills in the deep end - something she has been terrified of doing. One thing I always tell her when she says she “can’t swim in the deep”, is that swimming under water in the deep end is the exact same thing as swimming under water in the shallow end… there’s just more water under you.

When I meditated today, I was drawn to visualizing myself in the shadows of the great depths of the ocean (I’m sure not a coincidence, lol). Something about watching everyone play around in the depths yesterday stirred knowledge in me wishing to come to the surface. Right away, I was reminded of how comforting it can be within existing patterns, even those that aren’t serving our purpose/values. Sitting quietly in the depths didn’t take much energy or effort on my part.

If instead, I wanted to swim to the surface - to an alternate reality, it would require effort and exertion on my part. It would require me to be uncomfortable, to feel the oxygen being used up more quickly by my body as I kicked to the top. It would test the trust in my own capabilities and challenge my so-called boundaries. It a nutshell, it would be hard.

We tend to shy away from hard. We’ve gotten pretty good at it too, in my opinion. But hard is all around us in 2020. We are being pushed to our limits and beyond from multiple angles. Values and behaviors that were developed once upon a time, that may have served a purpose at their origin, no longer support what we are wanting. The universe is forcing us to change, and most of us are kicking and screaming, almost holding ourselves in the depths simply because we are afraid of what we don’t know. If we continue to kick against this wave, if we continue to exert all of this energy while still within the depths, we will surely drown.

If instead, we choose to put our feet down, kick hard against the surface and swim with everything we have, we will break through and be rewarded with the oxygen and energy our bodies and souls so desperately need. The shadows of the depths are testing us - they are pushing us to grow, and they are a necessary piece of the puzzle. They will make the light at the surface that much brighter.

Love + Light,

Sara

What Does It Mean to Be Alive?

I can always easily identify the times I need to be journaling or writing or both… they’re the times I avoid doing so. Like the past 6 months of Covid hell. As tough as I am, lately I’ve been starting to really feel the depression side effects of living with Ms. Rona. Whichever of my angel guides sparked the need for me to sit down and write last night, I sincerely thank you because I woke up this morning feeling like myself for the first time in weeks, with a lightness that has felt unreachable as of late.

It all caught fire listening to the “Monica the Medium” podcast on a walk last night and one little story she told. I want to share what spilled out of me because I know there are MANY fellow souls, especially those of you who are mothers, who are feeling the same way. You are not alone. We are in this together, even though we’re apart - yes, it totally feels like a cruel joke. I hope it sparks something in you, just as Monica’s words did for me.

I don’t ask this lightly - what does it mean to be alive?

I completely understand the brevity of asking this during a damn pandemic and I mean no harm or disrespect to the 125k+ lives that have been lost just here in the US, not to mention those worldwide. But really, isn’t it just like us silly humans to take a deeper look at life when it is at its most difficult? Gluttons for punishment or geniuses? I can’t decide.

On Monica’s latest podcast episode, she was telling stories of what spirits tell her about their experience right before and after passing into the spirit realm. She mentioned a quote from one woman who said she felt more alive as a spirit than she ever did while Earth-bound. In a world where we do everything in our power to elongate life, I immediately asked myself if I am truly living…

My gut reaction was, “I fucking hope not.” But if I take a breath for a hot minute and remind myself that 2020 has pushed the entire world far beyond our limits, I have a little hope that what is passing for “living” is temporary. One silver lining for a lot of people during covid has been one of downtime, slowing down, and getting back to basics. It almost sounds like what “living” should be - what I’d like it to resemble anyway. If I use this as my base and then look at my life…

Well, I’m definitely not fucking living. And to be honest, I’m not sure there are any moms who ARE “living” right now - let alone their best life. I honestly wouldn’t even call it surviving. As I sit here trying to find words to adequately describe the state of mothers - I’m coming up disappointingly (albeit not surprisingly - it is still 2020) short. Instead of comparing it to being beaten up by an MMA champion (which, let’s be honest, would be an upgrade), let me just lay it out.

• I can feel myself sinking slowly inward more each day. It’s a heavy and exhausting feeling of utter defeat and the desire to surrender.

• My heart hurts. My soul hurts. The discord, disrespect, pain, loss of human life, loss of my lifestyle, loss of school for my kids and their childhood, loss of vacation, loss of time with friends, no dinners out, you get it, and massive anxiety in my life, in addition to the anxiety of those around me has this empath overwhelmed.

• As an introvert who hasn’t truly been alone in six months, my skin is crawling. I swallow and shove down my instinct to recoil from my kids and my husband to not hurt them and to hold space for them. As a result, I’m almost dizzy from the need and lack of solitude and not being needed 24/7.

• I have emotional whiplash from being the mediator between family members.

• I can no longer stand yelling - doing it or the sound of it - the energetic force is too much for my fractured being to handle at this point.

All of this to hold my family together. To work full-time during a pandemic while also home-schooling a young kid who shuts down when she doesn’t do something perfectly. I just read Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, and the realization of how much shame my SIX year old inherently feels absolutely breaks my heart. To work from my 2-year old’s room most days, so I can hide from the kids during calls, only to have them make an appearance anyway. Notably, my 2-year old even dropped trow outside two feet away from me while I was on a video conference, so she could pee. True story. To shield my kids from illness. To do everything in my power to keep their worlds normal and joyful.

I’m doing alllllll the things. What I’m not doing is truly living. How do you live in a pandemic?

The answer is - it looks different for everyone. For me, living means being grounded in nature and spirit, and shining my light. It means joyous moments with my family, and a caring relationship with my husband. It means taking time to recharge and allowing myself to have space when I need it. And here’s the big kahuna - it means allowing someone else to carry the burden for a little while (and not then feeling guilty as a result, ammiright?).

Where is it said we have to carry this alone? Where is it said we aren’t allowed to talk about how we really feel? Where is it said we aren’t allowed to vent and release these heavy emotions without raising concern for our well-being or that of our families?

No where.

I’m sure you’re chuckling to yourself thinking, “if only, Sara”, but there is also some part of you that knows I’m right. As mothers, why do we feel like it’s our plight to carry this weight all the time, alone? We have been told that it takes a village… we need that village now more than ever, but now we’re even more cut off than ever before. I want you to know that I see you. That you village is still here.

You are not alone in the darkness. I know it’s dark as shit right now and that there isn’t really light at the end of the tunnel yet. But, just like the music comes from within the Trolls themselves and not just their strings (oh yeah, I just went there because you know that has been playing on repeat in my house for 2 months), there is light within you, no matter dim it may feel.

Hold on to the light and do things that make that light brighter - whatever that means for you. There cannot be darkness where there is light.

We will get through this.

We will be forever changed by it.

We will grow from it.

Our light may shine differently and reflect off the new facets made by this pressure, but that just means more rainbows.

For now, this is what I hold on to. For now, I will replace the words “I have to” with “I get to”.

I get to have a full day of work.

I get to go snuggle with my kid the third time she gets out of bed at night.

I get to help educate my daughter.

I get to be a source of guidance for my family.

By no means will I be happy go lucky 100% of the time - that’s just not a possibility for me right now. What I will do, and what I encourage you to do, is to seek out the light, and brighten the light within. Allow yourself to release the heaviness you’re carrying, to share the burden with your support system. It isn’t easy… I say that while trying to juggle my two incredibly strong-willed daughters right now as I write. But as one of the smartest women I know says, we can do hard things.

Light + Love,

Sara

I Traded an Organ for Gluten

“I don’t want to go down that road again.” These were the words one of my coaches said today after telling me about a panic attack she had earlier this week where her BP got to a whopping 202/170.

I do have some control over my body.

In spite of her fear of going down the rabbit hole of anxiety once again in her life, she was able to make such an incredible realization… “I do have some control over my by body.” This epitome was two-fold, as she discovered as she continued talking. Not only was she able in that very scary moment to quiet her mind and body and bring her BP down over the course of two hours but it had also been her actions, or lack there of as she said, to make her self-care a priority, which unfortunately lead to her panic attack.

First of all, talk about a brave and vulnerable thing to admit - bravo! We often take credit for the state of our bodies when we feel we’ve “been good” lately but rarely do we accept the responsibility we have on the other side of the coin. This often is a result of feeling deprived in some way.

This is where the biggest shift happened in my own life and health journey.

For years, doctors had been advising me to cut out gluten from my diet for the sake of my digestive system. This was during the dark ages of gluten-free food choices, folks, and there was no way in hell I was going to give up bagels, cookies, cereal, or god forbid, beer. No way. No how. That felt like an absolute death sentence to me, mentally. Cut to about 15 years later, and one of my organs literally went kaput because I didn’t want to “deprive” myself of gluten. So instead, I deprived my body of an organ… my gall bladder, which was functioning at an astoundingly low 4%.

The choices I was making for so long were in defiance of not wanting to deprive myself of something I enjoyed. As a result, I deprived myself of something far more important. This is where my view of the word “deprive” did a major 180. I stepped out of a space of fear and found freedom.

My coach’s words, “Not going down that road again” were her initial reason when I asked her why making her health a priority was of value to her. Admirable to not want to head back to a world filled with anxiety, sure, but doing it for that specific reason means living in fear every day.

That reasoning would mean she’s doing something to avoid a certain outcome, rather than doing it to create a certain life. These are two incredibly different scenarios and can be the difference between you sinking or swimming as you move toward your goals. For my scenario, every time I see a glutenous doughnut that is just begging me to eat it, I remember my poor defenseless gall bladder, the out of this world pain endured during a year of intense gall attacks, and the zombie I turn into with knives in my abdomen any time gluten now gets into my system. I now live to feel good and it’s a drastic departure from most of my life.

For Sally Sue*, listening her move through what was now becoming clear for her was amazing. She first went to strategy - what could she organize better, manage better - then realized she had no control over that particular element of her life and found clarity in the basic need to clear her head, especially when stress levels are high. She opted for a more calm existence with balance, rather than one pegged in fear. She chose to do mediative work for five minutes every other day during her work week.

Choosing to create the life you are wanting, rather than living to avoid fear, is the difference between living a life that lifts you up and adds value too your existence to one that causes you additional stress. Light yourself up, girl! Live from a source of positivity, from your core values. Kick fear to the curb and watch what happens!

Love + Light,

Sara

Embrace Your Juiciness

I had somewhat of a lightbulb moment this past Friday while I was on my weekly call with my coach. I’m still reeling a bit from it, to be honest and am trying to stay out of my head and in my body to fully absorb the message. #hardersaidthandone

This revelation has me feeling all the feels, and I figured if it was having this kind of impact on me, it may resonate with you as well!

Okay, so I’m a bit of a tomboy, always have been. I’m a sneaker-loving, workout-loving, strong, independent, tough, ponytail-wearing girl. I can hang with the boys and am also a total type-A control freak. My slight OCD tendencies and anxiety about any situation in my life upsetting the balance of someone else’s life are all too real on a daily basis.

Being vulnerable, even with loved ones, actually especially with loved ones, isn’t the easiest thing in the world for me. I can share my secrets with the world easily, but if something is truly worrying me, I tend to internalize it, so that I don’t worry someone else. Doing this generally makes me feel strong and protective of the people around me.

What it REALLY does, I was expertly reminded, is separate me from my loved ones and distances me from the love and types of relationships I actually want in my life. By closing myself off to the ones I love, even if the intention is to shield them, I am closing off that relationships’s true potential.

Along with that, she also reminded me that all of those actions I am taking are very rigid in nature and go against what it means to be a woman at the core of my being. Think about it for a minute… and no, I’m in no way saying women can’t be strong and organized. At the dawn of human civilization, women were the care takers, the child-bearers (think “open”, even physically), and provided a safe, warm environment for their children to flourish. Men on the other hand, were rigid (you could let your imagination run with this word as well here!), more lean due to hunting practices, more closed off emotionally.

Obviously, a balance of the two great, and neither sex has to be one thing. But when I thought about what she said, I realized I was completely shutting down my innate femininity.

The soft side of me… the juicy side.

I am in a women’s circle with a group of some of the most amazing feminine beings I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. They are all sooo juicy. They embrace their bodies, their feminine energy, the natural ebs and flows of our natural cycles. I find myself envying these women and being jealous of their ability to embrace their openness, their softness, their womanly juiciness. Sometimes I feel like I’m masquerading among them as someone who seems to embrace what it means to be a woman.

All of these revelations come with a lot of guilt for me… Guilt that I’m closed off to the people I most want to be closest to. Guilt that I still carry around insecurities about my body from growing up the “thick” one and that as a coach and nutritionist, I still have more work to do myself in improving my self-image. Guilt that I feel anger against my body and its shortcomings and limitations. At first glance, the guilt seems almost noble, but again, it is keeping me closed off and rigid, two characteristics that are incredibly non-feminine.

2019 seems to be the year of the woman. It is a perfect time for us to not only fight for what we deserve in society, but also to embrace our innate feminine energy. Because this juicy energy is beautiful, sensual, strong, open, loving, welcoming, safe, and steadfast. Letting go of the guilt that at times also seems innate to being a woman will free us from so many of the chains that bind us to a place in our being that is not in alignment with our truest selves.

Let us bloom as we rise, ladies, and honor the soft petals of those blooms.

Love + Light,

Sara

You Are Light

I’m literally standing here in my coat after coming straight inside from dropping my kiddo off at school writing this because I think it is so important… I was listening to a Christmas radio station and the DJ was talking about how high fashion right now is characterized as “apocalyptic”. He said the reason is the high anxiety of the world right now with the insane level of hate and fear and all the dark things we see on the news each and every day.

He then went on to describe how the time before Jesus’s birth was similar, with people taking to caves to hide out from the “end of the world”. Jesus, he said, then brought hope. He brought the light that restored the world. The DJ went on to say that this light wasn’t within us (only in Jesus), but that there was hope that the light does exist.

I want to challenge that.

God didn’t present his only son as a spirit, or omniscient voice, or angel to the people of the world. He made him human. He made him like us.

But why?

He did this because just as Jesus was, we ARE the light.

We are always seeking to find the light somewhere outside of ourselves, whether through religion, success, love, you name it. What we have forgotten, is that the light is already inside of us, just like it was inside of Jesus.

We are undoubtedly living in a dark time of history, plagued with mass shootings, terror attacks, and an abundance of fear on several levels. What we need to grab hold of is the hope that LIVES WITHIN EACH OF US. We don’t have to wait for a savior to come save us from the darkness.

That divinity, that light, that hope, is already within each and every being on Earth.

Light + Love,

Sara

Light Lasso Meditation

I’m super pumped to introduce my first meditation in what I hope is to become a running series! I wrote this after pulling an oracle card - Lady Portia of Divine Order. The card asks, “Do what you feel is right. An important lesson is unfolding.”

After reading more about Lady Portia, I asked Spirit to send a meditation through me for you on letting go of binding cords that may be contributing to the imbalance of justice in today’s world.

Light + Love,

Sara

You Have Never Been Alone

I recently had a reading with a woman I have met with before… Both she and a second medium gave me some fairly strong messages from the ether. One of the things I was encouraged to do (again) was to allow myself to do trans work - to allow Spirit to use me as a vessel for messages. I gotta admit, I was intrigued but also hesitant. Not even hesitant really, but doubtful in my abilities.

Today I sat down for the first time for a half an hour and opened myself up to Spirit and let the pen do whatever it wanted. I feel compelled to share it with you, so here it goes…

---

I am writing to show others how to love and be loved in return. I am you, you are me, we are one. I have spoken these words to you over and over, yet you still don’t fully trust my word. You offer yourself as a vessel, you call upon me, yet you still hold doubt. How will you teach others with this doubt? All humans have doubts about my love because they cannot see me. This is the curse of the human species. Animals are not plagued by this doubt. They love fully and know nothing other than sheer light from me. I have placed animals in homes to show humans the level of love I have for them - more people have pets now than ever before, yet they drift further away from me than ever before.

What they do not understand is that they are not alone. I have always been there, and always will be. They do not have to carry the burden of the human condition on their own. The more they try, the heavier it becomes. What will happen when they break? So many are breaking, you are so frail. The dichotomy of being connected virtually, yet socially isolated from on another.

Too much thought. Too much brain, not enough heart. Technological advances seem compounding, but they do not do anything to cradle the heart, the soul, the light beings that each of you are. Feelings are much more simplistic. Overcomplicating feelings by introducing the brain weakens you light and takes you metaphorically farther away from me.

My question to Spirit: How do we get back to you?

Do what you’re doing. Do this, attend some sort of worship. Not because you’ll go to hell if you don’t, but to fill your soul with messages of love, forgiveness, and to raise the collective vibration of the world in groups of people - to create real connection. Create this same “worship” inside your family unit with friends, groups, etc. Create a place to hold space for one another and know that space is where you will always find me.

You are in your darkest hour as a collective. You are desperate for me, for serenity, for positivity, for a time free of fear and stress. You create the world you live in. Stress is a biological element of being human - it has kept you alive. But now you are simply surviving as a race and are at odd almost everywhere I look.

My comment to Spirit: You sound exacerbated by us.

That is your own projection put onto me. That is exactly the point. I have no disappointment, no sorrow, no rage for you, any of you. I have love in its purest form. A love that is unconditional and transforms the darkest night onto a star filled dream. I am here with open arms, open heart, and am extending my light to you in the depths of your despair.

As the song goes, I cannot force you to see my love or to feel it or to open your heart to me. You alone, each of you, have that ability, that gift.

My question to Spirit: Why do I feel like you’re just out of reach?

Because you’ve put me there, long ago, out of fear, pain, judgement. You feel incomplete because you have locked me out of your life. You feel incomplete because we are one and our light is indescribable in its beauty, grace, and power. To feel whole, you must embrace me, embrace what you’re afraid of.

My comment to Spirit: The church where Taylor’s funeral was keeps coming up for me. I have such a personal judgement of the church though.

That has been your protection mechanism and your way to hide out form the world you came here to do. You think it is easier shutting that side off, but it only debilitates you. You were born to ask questions, to reach heights others couldn’t. You can come back to community, you are allowed to grow and change, in fact it is necessary for your survival and prosperity. Church/worship/etc. are whatever you want them to be. It is faith. Faith in the light, faith in yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything beyond that - it’s all what you make it. The choice is yours, the time is now.

---

Light + Love,

Sara 

The Four Elements of Self-Care

I hear you… “Seriously, Sara? FOUR elements of self-care? I can’t even manage the one element of washing my hair more than twice a week (at best), it’s impossible for me to tackle FOUR!”

Seriously, I. hear. you.

Hear me out for a minute though…

• you don’t cuss around your children (unless you’re me and let a few F-bombs slip every now and then when you’re super frustrated) because you don’t want them to start saying what you say.

• you’re constantly saying please and thank you so they adopt the same behavior.

• you take a bite of their vegetables to show them how delicious they are so they’ll eat them.

Are you getting the picture? We ACT in the ways we want our kids to act because we know it’s not what we say that matters as much as what we do. So if this is the case with most things in life, why wouldn’t it also be the case with their and our self-care?

Do I have your attention now??

Thought so.

If not, let me spell this out… If you don’t take the time to develop a self-care routine for yourself NOW that your kids are aware of and learn to respect, they most likely won’t develop their own self-care routines as they grow up and when they are eventually parents themselves.

I don’t know about you, but the thought of my two girls stinking to high hell with dreads in their hair because they haven’t thought to shower themselves in a few days as a mom breaks my heart.

Okay, so what are the four elements? Good question.

They are:

• Mind

• Heart

• Spirit

• Body

Here’s a simple but loaded question for you… what is one thing you’re doing in each of these areas for SELF-care?

If you ask me (a life coach and mom), they each build upon one another and we have to first tackle the care of our mental and emotional states before we will truly be confident and stable in the care of our body. This is because nine times out of ten, the eating habits we have developed (binge eating cookies after our kids go to bed, for example… just me?!) have nothing to do with the food itself, but have some deeper in meaning.

What would change for your life and the lives of your family members if you were to be more focused on your self-care? (ps - this is NOT, I repeat, NOT a selfish act, but one of necessity)

To get you started, here are a few ideas for each of these four elements to get you started on your own self-exploration of self-care.

MIND

• disconnect from technology

• get organized

• read and play mental-strengthening games

• learn

HEART

• get centered

• journal and practice gratitude

• develop relationships

• release internal and external judgement

SPIRIT

• get outdoors

• meditate and/or pray

• define your values

• journal

BODY

• get good sleep

• eat well

• snuggle

• take a bubble bath

Be Gentle

I’m always amazed by the timing of messages from the universe. The past two weeks in the states have been heartbreaking. The amount of hate emanating from members of our population seems to be at an all-time high. I’m not going to list all the horrifying events that have occurred recently - while each victim, their family, friends, communities, and for everyone else who these acts of violence touch, my heart is with them, but that is not the purpose of this post.

I grew up in a part of Cincinnati known for large-acreage lots that is home to a whole host of amazing wildlife (wild turkey, deer, vixen, coyote, etc.). My mom used to keep a bebe gun in the kitchen by the outside doors to shoot at the deer when they ate her flowers, even, #truestory. Deer are so prevalent in that part of town that residents offer their land to local hunters in-season for bow hunting to keep the population managed. I always thought of them as nuisances that ate all our plants and for which I had to watch out for on the winding dark roads at night.

I now live in a more populated part of Cincinnati with my own family with far less acreage. Even still, there is a family of deer who lives in my neighbor’s backyard and can be seen frequently dining on local landscaping.

I tend to take walks at night once I have the kids in bed, and I can’t count how many times I have come across this family of deer around the neighborhood. We often look at each other for several minutes before moving on - they’ve never once run away from me. Last night, I was on one of my walks while on my women’s group weekly call. We were talking about the ebbs and flows of life and how we have to grant ourselves grace to move fluidly with the changes. As I was listening, I encountered four of the family members in someone’s front yard. It’s always such an amazing experience to come across them at night. They just stare at me like they can see right through me and like they have something they want to tell me.

I shared with those who were on the call what I had just experienced and our leader shared the meaning of deer as guides. It was so poignant for not only our call, but for what is going on in our world right now. When guides appear as deer, they are there to offer you and guide you in bringing gentleness into the world through word, touch, and thought.

“Gentleness is the antidote for cruelty.”

-Phaedrus

Gentleness. I have been pondering this word since my women’s group call last night. When I was about to sit down and start writing to you all about this word, a very unexpected visitor showed up in my front yard - a deer. Talk about serendipity. There is no doubt in my mind I am supposed to share this word with you today and encourage you to find gentleness not only for yourself, but for those around you as well in a time when fear, anger, and violence are reigning supreme.

Our actions and words first begin as thoughts and feelings. These can be things we say to ourselves when we feel we’ve made a mistake, or to someone else. Generally, what we say to ourselves is spoken silently in our head, but that doesn’t make it any less impactful. Think about it… if you were to really pay attention to your inner dialogue for a day, how many of the following statements do you think you’d say to yourself about yourself?

“Damnit, Sara!”

“I’m so stupid.”

“Ugh, I am so bloated, I need to lose weight.”

“I shouldn’t have eaten _______.”

“Sally Sue’s mom handmade her costume, I should have done that. She’s a better mom than I.”

What if instead, you were more gentle with yourself…

“Oops! I’ll do better next time.”

“I am doing the best I can.”

“My body is beautiful and deserves my respect.”

“That ______ was delicious. Now I’ll balance my next meal to maintain my progress.”

“I am an amazing mom who does everything she can for her children (and then some).”

Being gentle doesn’t erase wrongdoings and it’s not showing weakness. It is showing strength and tenderness in the face of adversity. Images of violence, of vicious attack ads for next week’s mid-term elections, and the running commentary of our current president keep flashing in my mind. These are the places and people who need our gentleness the most. Think about a typical bully growing up; most of the time their words and actions were cries for attention, love, tenderness, and a safe place to land, all of which they didn’t feel they were getting. Grownups are really no different.

Does it infuriate me what is going on right now in our culture? Hells to the yes. But acting on that anger only spurs more of it, as we continue to see everyday. To change the world, we have to change our behavior. We have to show each other love, kindness, and gentleness. The hero doesn’t win because they get down and dirty with the villain, they win because they are unwavering in their conviction to stand in and spread their light upon the world.

In the face of cruelty, we have to be gentle; kind, tender, and strong. We have to find our strength in our gentleness, not in our ability to hold power of another being. As you move through the next few days, I challenge you to act out of gentleness.

To the person who cuts you off in traffic - show gentleness in your response. Maybe they’re late to pick up their child from daycare and are in a hurry.

To the co-worker who has a “fake news” sticker in their cubicle - show gentleness to this person. They may have found a sense of belonging in a group with strong opinions and a big voice that helps them not feel as lonely and makes them feel like they are heard.

To the friend or family member on the other side of the political isle - show gentleness. Each of you has come to conclusions you feel are best for you. Show compassion for one another and begin to bridge the gap that is dividing us.

“There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness.”

-Han Suyin

Every time you hear a harsh word, a berating comment, or feel like you want to throw some shade (whether to yourself or someone else), take a pause and instead show gentleness. Create strength as a collective to lift the hero up, shine our light, and heal the hurt that is so palpable today.

Love + Light,

Sara

Letting Go of Mom Guilt + Shame

You know the feeling when you decide to do something and then it succeeds? That’s me today after an amazingly intimate first Rooting Mom workshop last night.For the first Rooting Mom, the topic was mom guilt. We talked about the definition of guilt itself, examples of when we’ve felt guilty as a mom, and whether or not there was actually something to feel guilty about (think about it, what wrongdoing are you making when you have to ask for someone’s help outside of your family?). Then we talked about an even more burdensome word – shame.

A lot of times, shame masquerades as guilt.

GUILT: the feeling of remorse and responsibility for a wrongdoing. An awareness that your actions have hurt someone else.

SHAME: how you feel about yourself; a painful feeling arising from the knowledge of doing something dishonorable. Feeling like you’ve done something wrong or that there is something disgraceful about you as a person.

After we talked about the word shame and compared it to guilt, each person shared an experience where they felt ashamed and why.

 Some examples from my own life included:

• Getting an epidural in my first delivery (not that I have anything against them – it was simply not something I wanted to have to do if I could help it the first time around).

• Letting my emotions get the best of me with my kids when I’m tired.

• Not being able to breastfeed either of my girls, despite being a lactation counseling educator and postpartum doula.

• In the midst of a fibromyalgia flare up, not being able to stand and hold my screaming then three-year old because of the physical pain and exhaustion I was feeling.

I am always humbled by the vulnerability individuals are willing to share with a group of like-minded souls. One of the most powerful shares came from a future “mom club” member. When she began her share, she mentioned she was going to talk about something “less emotional” to use her words than another topic she could have shared. She opened up about how she feels deep-seated shame about her desire to be a stay at home mom when the time comes for her to have children. At a time when women are rising up, taking back our power, upsetting the status quo, and breaking glass ceilings one after another, she shared that she feels ashamed and that she doesn’t feel like she is allowed to want what she wants. By wanting to be a stay at home mom, she feels she isn’t supported by the women around her in her choice, simply because of the revolution we are currently in.

This breaks my heart on several levels and is an amazing example of how our individual shame can be internalized and fester. To me, the rising up of women and crusades like the #metoo movement are driving forces for women to be whatever they want to be without judgement. To be free from limitations whether at home, in the workplace, or socially; to stand in our power as physical examples of the divine feminine while garnering respect for our minds, bodies, and spirits; to live our lives free of shame that comes from simply being a woman.

But living a life free from the chains of guilt and shame for any woman, mother or no mother, is easier said than done, right? This is because shame and guilt are conditioned behaviors. They are something we’ve watched generations of women before us carry, and we have learned by example. I for one say it’s time for us to put an end to this cycle so the next generation and all those to come after won’t have to carry these burdens in the same way we still do today.

 Stepping out of the shadow of shame and guilt starts by living in accordance with your values as a woman or as a mother. While you may know what things are important to you in life, when was the last time you reflected on what your most basic values as a mother are? I say as a mother because our values are fluid as we move through life stages and can even differ from one role to the next; i.e., as an employee versus a mother. I want you to take the next few minutes to find what values resonate most with you as a mother. Move through the steps outlined below with the list of words you see and come back to the post when you’re done.

Step 1: Read through the list and don’t make any marks or changes to start. Add in any you feel may be missing from this list (it’s okay if no additional words come to mind).

Step 2: Put a star next to ALL of the values you feel are relevant to you as a mom – even if that includes every word listed.

Step 3: Look at the words you put a star next to, and then cross out all except 5 of them. I know – it’s so hard! Think about what words can roll up under others for you; for example, happiness and joy are similar, which resonates most with you; knowledge and wisdom are also similar and could roll up under one another. Think about the five values that resonate the most with you as a mother, those qualities you want to bring to your family’s life.

Step 4: Now cut down from 5 to 3! Put a circle around the three you are keeping and cross out the two you’re not. I know this is super hard!

Step 5: Finally, you get to keep only 2 values. Tap into your divine femininity and feel which resonate the most with you. These values will shape your children – none of them are right or wrong, it is whatever resonates most with you.

Now that you have your two values, do you feel like you’re currently living in alignment with them as a mom? I was surprised to end up with Gratitude and Perseverance when I did this exercise myself, although when I take a step back and think about some of the stories of shame I shared earlier, I can see these values standing strong.

When I had to get an epidural in my first delivery, I felt ashamed because I kept asking myself, “Why can’t you just tough it out?” The same was true for when I was in the midst of a fibro flare-up and couldn’t stand up and hold my screaming three-year old at the same time; “Why can’t you just tough it out for her?” The shame for me was, why couldn’t I just persevere through those tough times?

That’s my inner critic speaking. The insecure part of me who feels like she has to be tough as nails 24/7 even in the midst of situations like those two when I was physically drained and feeling all-the-feels. If I take a breath, however, and a step back, I can see that I was living in accordance of my values.

I labored for 36 hours in my first delivery, was 12 hours in, and far past the max dosage of Pitocin when I finally asked for the block. I successfully delivered a healthy baby girl after pushing for four hours and came away personally unscathed physically.

• When I was in my fibro flare up – I’m human. I was still holding my child and giving her love and support, simply from the floor. I was doing all I could in that particular moment and persevering through the pain and emotional roller coaster of my threenager to show her I was there for her no matter what.

What are some things you feel guilt or shame for since becoming a mama? When you reflect on those moments, were you living in accordance with your values?

Take a step back, and give yourself some grace.

Look at what you were able to do, not what your shortcomings were. As long as you are living in alignment with your values, guilt and shame will become a thing of the past. And once we can put that phase of women’s history behind us, imagine how much brighter not only our futures will be, but also those of our children!!

Light + Love,

Sara

October's Rooting Mom Group!

Have you ever had one of those dinners/lunches/girls weekend moments where you and your girls are in hysterics over the time your kid pooped in the bathtub (or something equally hilarious, and yes, this DID just happen to me a couple of weeks ago) and you come away from it with sore abs, feeling de-stressed, and supported by someone who knows what you’re going through?

Okay, take THAT feeling, then magnify it with a group environment and coaching from women who share in the hilarity, heartache, magic, failures, and gift of motherhood.

That is the simple purpose of my local Cincinnati group, Rooting Mom.

Rooting Mom is a safe space where you can share whatever is on your mind with the group, be supported, and be given coaching that pertains to YOUR life. Each month we cover a new topic that moms deal with on a daily basis and that has a tendency to bring up #allthefeels.

For October, we’ll be talking about the many faces of mom guilt. How it shows up, how it haunts us, and how to set it aside. I can see your face right now… Set it aside?! How in the hell am I supposed to do that, Sara?!?!

First, I feel ya.

Second, I didn’t say it was easy.

Think about this for a moment though (no matter if you have daughters or sons). Think about what that guilt does to you on the daily. Would you ever wish for even one moment that even a hint of that would be felt by one of your kiddos someday when they’re parents?

I’m guessing that’s a big fat NO!

Okay, so how do we create a world where they don’t have to experience this feeling in the way we do and past generations have? We change our behavior now.

Monkey see, monkey do, ladies. No matter how many times we tell them to do something, they will learn by example time after time.

What’s more than that, though… you deserve, we deserve (I definitely have growth to do here as well) better than the weight of mom guilt. I’m not saying there aren’t moments that you are going to feel like you totally messed up your kid - those are inevitable, let’s be real. But there are tons of others times when you can and should let go of this limiting behavior (ie, feeling guilty last night that I hadn’t given my daughter some leftover birthday cake yet, even though I had taken both kids to ballet, fed both girls, put her sister to bed, felt like poo on a stick (thank you fall allergies), and was finally getting around to making my own dinner at 7:30pm).

If you’re interested in sharing, laughing, and growing, come join us at Pearl’s (on the second floor) in Columbia Tusculum (in Cincinnati) from 7-9pm next Tuesday, October 23rd. You can find more info and sign up (or just show up) here. Leave the kiddos at home for a few hours, grab a drink with us, and share in this community of growth and the secret life of women!

Love + Light,

Sara

Work Your Light

I have been devouring the book Light is the New Black by Rebecca Campbell lately. It is one of those books that changes your life - truly. The posts you have seen here and on IG lately have been a result of embracing my “weird”, my truth, which has been motivated by what I have read throughout the book.

In Light is the New Black, Rebecca (who is my new spirit animal) offers activities to work your light - to get in touch with your highest truth. I have notes scribbled throughout the copy, several pages dog eared, and things underlined all over the place! Today, I thought I’d do my exercise here with all of you to encourage you to do the same on your own time!

“Write to heal yourself. For as we heal ourselves, we can’t help but heal the world at large.”

— Rebecca Campbell

EXERPT FROM THE BOOK:

Write your own ‘Letter to Self.’ Get a blank piece of paper and write at the top, ‘Dear [insert your name].’ Fill the page with the words you most need to hear. Maybe they’re the words you most need to hear today, or maybe they’re the words you most need to hear five, 10, even 20 years ago. Without judgement let them come flowing. (pg. 261)

Dear Sara,

It’s okay to have flaws. It’s okay to not be perfect in school, in real life. It’s human to make mistakes and learn from them. Don’t let these flaws define your limitations or what you are able to achieve in life. Instead, give them love and accept them for what they are - lessons to learn and ways to grow in this life time. You will always be fully supported with unconditional love that knows no limitations or conditions. You are human. You are a sensitive human.

Take actions and make choices based on your own inner compass, not on the values and perceived desires of others. Speak your truth…. kindly and with love. Do not confine yourself to someone else’s box of ideals, for this will stifle your spirit and prevent you from reaching your true potential and highest self. You do not have to live to make others happy and proud. Live to make yourself proud and give yourself the love you deserve and crave. Only then will you be able to lift others up to their highest potential as you so deeply desire.

Not everyone will want your help. You have been gifted with the ability to see in others things they are not able to see for themselves. You see the light shining from within the darkness and have an inherent desire to help them shine their light. While this is noble and part of your true path, not everyone you come across will be able to see this light, or in a place where they are capable of seeing it. Do not take this personally. Love them for who they are in that moment in time, and do not mourn the loss of who you feel they could be because who they are meant to be is up to them. Show and give love and know that is enough.

Be your authentic self without fear of judgement from others. Yes, you are unique and live in a way some don’t fully understand. You have chosen this time and place to come back into the world, to help grow the light that has been almost snuffed out here on Earth. You can shine your own light in whatever way feels most authentically true to you without fear of harm. This is the time. Now is the time to shine. Stop waiting for permission from someone else - you alone know your highest purpose and you alone can manifest it.

As long as you show up, the universe will continue to provide beyond your wildest imagination. You must ask, and then act. If you don’t act on what is given/presented, the universe and its infinite generosity will get backlogged and you will continue to feel the energetic heaviness of the past. Now is the time to release that discord, begin acting on what the universe is providing, begin truly interacting with Source the way you know you are truly able, and raise the vibration of the Earth and those on it. As you do this, you will be gifted back a life beyond your wildest dreams.

As you continue to take steps to raise those around you, do not forget about your own self-care. You know all too well the physical pain and exhaustion daily life can cause you with certain conditions. To be of best use to yourself and those around you and to live your highest purpose, take action in doing at least one thing for self-care each and every single day. Only then will you thrive.

You are loved. You are cherished. You are light.

Love,
Me

Thinx and Stay Dry

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Okay moms, it’s about to get real up in here.

I’m just gonna preface this by saying that after two vaginal births, my pelvic floor is S.H.O.T. Like, absolutely shot.

I honestly don’t know how women of old used to pop out gaggles of children vaginally and still have any sort of control in their yonis. As much as we have fought to be able to wear yoga pants and short skirts, maybe they were on to something with the multiple layers of long skirts!

This is one of those things no one tells you about having kids… you get a lovely introduction to pelvic floor weakness when you’re in a maternity store with your second kiddo trying on bathing suit bottoms and you sneeze and totally pee your pants.

Yes, that happened. I had to ask the store clerk through the curtain for a pair of their underwear so I could change mine, lol. Thank God I didn’t have my pants on at the time!

Since delivering that second kiddo, things haven’t gotten much better, unfortunately. Sex isn’t as enjoyable (but that’s another subject for another day), I refuse to do yoga in public because my yoni insists on loudly letting everyone know she’s there any time I lift a leg in any open way in down dog. True story.

My latest weak yoni experience came this week when I decided to try jogging for the first time since getting pregnant with kiddo #2.

I felt pretty good at the start. My breathing was good, my feet and ankles were loosening up. Then it started. This trickling I could feel going down my inner thighs. Thank God I am usually out when it’s dark outside.

When I got home and got inside where I could see, the inner thighs of my yoga pants were soaked! My pelvic floor is so weak at this point that had I been in daylight or had colored pants on (thankfully they were black that night), it could have been a pretty embarrassing experience.

So why am I telling you all about peeing my pants? Because I know I’m not the only one with this issue, and it’s time to talk about it so we can help each other get stronger and stay dry, ammiright?!

While I work on strengthening this crucial muscle with my yoni egg, which I know is going to take time, I had to come up with a solution so I could continue to jog… and let’s face it, a bunch of layered long skirts would make me stand out more than the wet marks, lol.

For help, I turned to my period undies from Thinx. EUREKA! I walked. I ran. I came home dry. I call that a #momwin. You guys have to check these out - for multiple reasons. I LOVE them for the lighter days of my period when I don’t really need a tampon or pad, and they will not be my running buddies as well. They recently came out with athletic shorts as well in the same amazing magical material - PERFECT!!

If you suffer from the same musically wet yoni problems as I, PLEASE do yourself a favor and check out their site… like right now! I am not getting paid to write this. I am sharing this win with you because all ladies with this problem deserve to move and stay dry.

Until next time!

Love + Light,

Sara

Standing in My Truth - #metoo

Why I didn’t come forward when I was raped…

• He was the star quarterback

• I was drunk and flirting

• I didn’t say full out to stop for over an hour

• I was a freshman in college

• It happened the same week as 9/11

• My boyfriend at the time though I had cheated on him at first

• I was incredibly depressed

• I felt isolated

Why I didn’t come forward when I was sexually assaulted…

• He was my boyfriend

• He was older and respected

• I wanted to move on from the trauma

• I felt ashamed I had trusted him

• I felt little

• There were too many emotions going on from being triggered about the rape

• How could I have let it happen again?

I felt guilt and grief from these experiences for years after they occurred. What I regret most about that time is that for the reasons above, two other girls (that I know of) were hurt by these same two men. I offered to testify against the man I had dated when I learned he had done the same thing to another girlfriend and she was going to press charges (unfortunately that never happened).

Like the millions of other men and women who have suffered from sexual assault and/or rape, these experiences have been heavy on my mind in the past week. I have watched as incredibly strong women have risen from the bravery of Dr. Blasey Ford and have named their assailants and call out the absurdity of injustice that has occurred in this country. I desperately want to share in their bravery and name the two men who caused me harm all those years ago. I also know that both occurrences are beyond the statute of limitations in the states they occurred and so I struggle with naming them since I can’t legally hold them accountable anymore.

I find myself worrying about how naming them would affect their lives and the lives of their wives and potential children. It sounds insane as I’m even writing it! THEY raped and sexually assaulted ME, and I’M worried about THEM?! WAKE UP, SARA!!!!! This is a perfect example of how generations of silencing and belittling of women has made it seem as though this isn’t a real issue.

NEWS FLASH - It’s ALWAYS been an issue. As I watched the Committee hearings this week, I was struck by how many white males kept talking about how this needs to be a more dignified process, yada yada. There has been talk about mens lives being ruined by the "#metoo movement. Kavannaugh himself said, “What goes around comes around.” Truer words have never been spoken, Brett.

I’m truly sorry your life is in shambles and that your wife and children are having to deal with the repercussions of your behavior, however, there is nothing MORE dignified than a woman or man standing in their own power and speaking their truth to the world. The atrocities that have been occurring to women for millennia have been trust into the headlines because of the outrageous behavior of the leader of the U.S. It is time for victims of rape and sexual assault to regain their own dignity and shine a light on their trauma so that we may all begin to heal.

I have always been open in sharing my own trauma in hopes of helping just one other person process and heal from theirs. Here are some of the things that helped me (over many years) heal from being raped and sexually assaulted.

• People who loved me enough to be a rock I beat myself against. I made countless mistakes, leaving pain in my wake. The anger and pain inside of me was a mirror image for my actions towards this group of people. No matter what I did, and even when I completely sabotaged a relationship, those people remained a safe space for me. I will never be able to mend some of those breaks, and I regret the pain I caused every. single. day. I am also aware, however, that the anger and pain needed to spill out of me while being held. Those who held space for me during that time gifted me the chance of release.

• Removing myself from triggering environments. My first experience happened in the first month of undergrad. A year+ later, after spiraling down a depressive rabbit hole, digging deeper with alcohol and drugs, my parents graciously pulled me from what had become a prison of constant fear and pain. Had I remained in that environment - as toxic as it had become for me - I fear I would not be sitting here today.

• Therapists who listened. The first therapist I saw after being raped told me I just needed to, “get over it.” Brilliant! Why the fuck didn’t I think of that?! Let’s just say rage followed that encounter, quickly followed by cinder-block walls being built around me. Thankfully, the next therapist was much more supportive and helped me move through the initial trauma.

• Finding somewhere I felt safe and could thrive - Sweet Briar College. An environment of all women students tucked into the foothills of the Appalacian Mountains. A place with one main entrance and a guard shake. Most importantly though, it was a place I didn’t have to encounter either assailant.

• Talking about my experiences. Even though I wasn’t comfortable pressing charges, it was cathartic for me to tell my story (and still is, thus this post). What encouraged me to continue doing this most wasn’t the TMI looks I got from some/most people… it was the acquaintance talking to me later in confidence who thanked me for saying what I had because they now didn’t feel as alone. To know I have helped even one person by using my voice to express my experiences, helps me to feel I’m not alone and encourages me to continue creating a community of women and men who could change the future for my children.

• Finding someone who respected and loved my body, and saw it as something to cherish rather than to hide in shame.

I was listening to a podcast by Christine Hassler yesterday and she said something that struck me.

“The hurt of others is not your responsibility.”

I know these words to be true in my core, and I am still finding it difficult to type two names here right now. For my own healing, it’s time to empower myself… Tim Booth and Rex Bevis. Holy shit that feels good - I can’t wait to see how I feel when I hit ‘publish’! If you are working through your own feelings right now as sexual assault comes to a head in our country and would like to work through things so you can move on to your higher self, reach out to me to set up a one-on-one by emailing me or setting up a Lightworker Session.

Love + Light,

Sara